When I was a young child and lived in Bombay, a lot of weekends I used to go to Juhu with my siblings to visit my Grand Parents. My “Daadi” (Grand Mother) was very unlike my Mother. My Mother was 24X7 prim and proper, so sophisticated that she wrongfully instilled fear in those that did not know her. My Grand Mother on the other hand was a personification of dignified humbleness, known for making everyone from Royalties to Homeless People comfortable in her presence with soft and gentle words. The best thing about those visits was the stories that she told  us at bedtime. As far as I can recollect, she had only one story, yet she made it so fresh and interesting every time she told us that story. Every twist and turn in the story was known to my siblings and me, yet we used to implode with joy at every narration. There was never a night when we went to sleep in Juhu without my Grand Mother’s story.

In Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (“JTYJN”), writer/director Abbas Tyrewala tells us a simple uncomplicated story. Like my Grand Mother’s infamous story, this is a “known” story (there is nothing new). Yet, Abbas’s narration on screen makes every cell in one’s body explode with happiness at every known twist and turn. Without doubt one of the heroes of JTYJN is Abbas Tyewala. Regardless of the fact that the story is old as hills, JTYJN has a better story/screenplay than what we have witnessed in Bollywood in a long time. His direction is fresh and enjoyable and garnished with genius. In case you need to know, Abbas’s style is a little like Aditya Chopra’s, a little like Farhan Akhtar’s and a little like Imtiaz Ali’s, he will go far.

Without getting into the details of the story (you need to see the film for that, I assure you that you will not regret it), let me tell you that the role that Imran plays required a seasoned and mature actor (a young actor but a good actor). It is to Imran’s credit that he does a damn good job. Imran today is far better than even Amir Khan of QSQT days. IN JTYJN he brings the right amount of charm, cuteness and restraint to the movie. In lesser hands the movie would have got killed, but Imran Khan shows us that the apple does not fall very far from the tree, he belongs to the same family that gave Bollywood, Nasir Hussein, Mansoor Khan and Amir Khan and JTYJN proves that to us. Imran Khan it can be said has everything that Abhay Deol as a star is missing. He is the opposite of Lil C. While Lil C is untalented and ugly, Imran is a bundle of raw talent and is handsome to the point of being pretty. I think the arrival of Imran Khan is the last nail in Lil C’s coffin. Bye Bye Lil C, hello Imran.

Genelia D’Souza, the heroine has a easier role (just relatively speaking). But she as Aditi is as effortless and natural as Hema Malini was as Basanti in Salim-Javed’s Sholay and as fresh as Dimple Kapadia was in Raj Kapoor’s Bobby. She makes the impossible possible in JTYJN. She makes all believable. Whether she is checking on Imran in that scene at the movie theatre or fighting all the guys, it is hard to take your eyes off Genelia. I will go as far as saying that she has the potential to be the female SRK (the best star actor that Bollywood has ever seen).

This film established, Amir Khan as a premium film maker in Bollywood. With every film Amir has made known that he wants to associate only with quality. After JTYJN I look forward to the next movie from Amir’s production house. The bi product of this lovely film are the excellent performances of the supporting cast. Every actor in JTYJN has done his best role (within limits of the role). I have never enjoyed Naseruddin more in any film. Likewise for Arbaaz Khan and Sohail Khan, both of them show what a star cameo should be like. The late Smita Patil’s son is mind blowing. Likewise the gang of friends, and the “villain”, Ayaz Khan. Ratna Pathak and Paresh Rawail almost steal the movie with their performances. The supporting actors themselves pay for the price of the ticket. If you liked Jab We Met you will enjoy this more. It has the youthful spirit of DDLJ, the coolness of Dil Chata Hai and the carzyness of Jab We Met. You will enjoy this movie.

One cannot talk about JTYJN without acknowledging the hand of the great Mansoor Khan which can be seen in every frame. Seeing the movie I was not sure whether to be happy for the arrival of new stars (Imran Khan, Genelia D’Souza, & Abbas Tyrewalal) or be sad that Bollywood’s best film maker, Mansoor Khan is spending his time growing organic tomatoes. Go see the movie for Mansor Khan, for its music, for Imran & Genelia, for Abbas Tyrewala, and above all for a good time. After the disappointment of recent duds like the super flop Sarkar Raj, this movie makes one fall in love with Bollywood all over again.

]]> http://shaankhan.wordpress.com/2008/07/04/jaane-tu-ya-jaane-na-a-salute-to-the-great-mansoor-khan/feed/ Shaan Khan http://shaankhan.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/guess-where-lil-cs-finger-is/ http://shaankhan.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/guess-where-lil-cs-finger-is/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:33:51 +0000 Shaan Khan http://shaankhan.wordpress.com/?p=70

Ladies & Gentlemen, my friends, fellow bloggers, there is no easy way to say this, hence allow me to cut to the chase. Bachchanistas, please carefully bend over, grab your ankles and brace for pain. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na rocks. Let me put this in another way. Mansoor Khan has not reemerged from his retirement (much like Aditya Chopra has with RNBDJ) to embarrass himself. JTYJN has the benefit of his touch. Seeing this movie you will wish that Mansoor retires from his retirement and comes back permanently to Bollywood. I would love to see him make a movie for RC/YRF with SRK & Amir Khan (the two lions of Bollywood).

No matter what one can say about Amir Khan (mental etc), he is one of India’s best film makers.  There is no one who understands commercial cinema far better than  Amir Khan ( Adi & K Jo are slightly ahead). As a film maker Amir Khan has associated with substance and quality. If SRK is the best star actor that Bollywood has seen then Amir Khan (alhough not as great an actor as SRK) is definitely one of the better film makers that Bollywood has seen. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Ya will once again prove Amir Khan’s acumen as a film maker.

People have asked me how do I compare Love Story 2050 (a well made action packed movie) with JTYJN (a romantic love story in the mold of classic Yash Chopra movies)  and my answer is that we will be re visiting Love Story Vs. Rocky. In the long run both Herman and Imran will do very well, but in the short run the movie with love, romance and emotions will rock the BO. JTYJN is today’s Dil Chata Hai, it will perhaps become the new DDLJ. It is a class act.

The music of JTYJN is out and it is superb. While most A.R.Rehman music eventually finds acceptance without fail, JTYJN has found instant acceptance. I think this record will be the record to beat this year.I don’t listen to music much but this CD is good, …. very, very, good.

So we come back to the Bachchanistas. With, Emraan Hasmi, Ranbir Kapoor & Shahid Kapoor doing well. With Sikander Kher & Herman Baweja expected to do well. A handsome and talented Imran Khan comes at a time when Lil C cannot afford any more competition in his segment of the market. Given Lil C’s pathetic BO record, given the emerging talent that I have listed already in this paragraph, a “Gora Chita” Imran Khan is the last nail in Lil C’s coffin. Unfortunately there is nothing that the Bachchanistas can do (they are not that capable to begin with). Imran Khan and JTYJN are unstoppable, Jim Carrey would say, “Sssmoking”. Hence, Bachchanistas please bend over, grab your ankles and brace for the pain,  Imran Khan is in DA HOUSE.

While it is true that IPL is sucking most of the oxygen out of the market right now, the TRP rating fiasco has nothing to do with that.  Big B simply lied.

Just to clarify. TRP is not an absolute measure like for example one inch or one cm is. It is therefore not universal nor portable. The measure is limited to the boundaries of its market and to the time period for which the calculation has been performed. In short,  TRP ratings is a complicated dynamic calculation. It is valid ONLY for the market for which it was been calculated for. Also it is valid ONLY for the time period for which it has been calculated for. Overtime as the number of channels within a market changes and as the overall TV viewership changes, so does the implication of these ratings. Hence a score of 1 today is not the same as a score of 1 yesterday. Therefore we cannot use ratings from 3 years ago to compare ratings with shows running today.

Even after knowing the above, Big B wrongfully used TRP ratings to lie and to make it appear that his KBC had more viewership. Just so that you understand this, let me repeat, SRK’s KBC had more viewers than Big B’s KBC yet had a lower TRP (because over 3 + years all the factors had changed).

When Big B was caught, he responded by peeing in his pants See below.

Using cutting edge software we have extrapolated how Lil C and Ash will look a few years from now

Notice hair, notice smile

Notice disappearing hair, notice absence of smile

Needless to say, Lil C remains as ugly as ever

• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you argue that Big B’s Bhootnath is a hit and Emraan Hashmi’s Jannat is a flop.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B was better than Ayesha Kapoor or Rani in SLB’s Black.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you feel hurt when someone calls Big B/Lil C a Bachchalan
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hate SRK’s Devdas because Big B was considered not good enough to do a full blown Devdas and had to settle for Devdas lite (aka Muqaddar’s Sikander).
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Mani Ratnam’s Guru deserved any award in 2007.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not think that Big B copies Dilip Kumar.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hate Imran Khan because he might threaten Lil C’s longevity in Bollywood.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not like talking about Big B’s attempt at Politics or Bofor’s Scandal.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hated Aditya Chopra’s Mohabbatein because SRK kicked Big B ‘s arse in that movie.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Lil C is very talented and handsome.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Farhan’s Akhtar’s Don (groseed INR 500 Mil + domestically), is a flop because it was hipper, cooler, and far superior than Big B’s Don
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B was not over the top in SLB’s Black.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not like talking about Big B’s relationships with Parveen Babi and Rekha.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B deserved a national award for SLB’s Black or worse that he deserved a national award for K. A. Abbass’s Saat Hindustani
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you argue that Big B is still relevant at the Box Office in India.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you discount every movie and every star except a Bachchalan movie and a Bachchalan

My initially reaction after watching Khuda Ke Liye (“K2L”) was not that positive. After talking to a few people I realized that I had perhaps watched a version that had been, post release and unknown to the filmmakers, edited by a butcher (I bought the DVD from a Hallal Meat Shop on Grove Street in Jersey City). The version I saw had Naseeruddin Shah’s portion (except for the scene where Iman Ali, i.e. Maryam goes to his house) and almost all of Shan’s torture scenes missing.

As a story, I found K2L very compelling. One feels for what Iman Ali, as well as what Shan, go through, nonetheless as a movie, I thought, that it was no better than a mundane Bollywood movie. I was disappointed because the story had so much potential, also because the actors deserved so much more. Initially, my thoughts more or less centered around how Iman Ali was a refreshing change from the Lollywood heroines I had seen a decade or so ago on my sole visit to Pakistan. From what I had seen then (although most Pakistani girls are very attractive and beautiful, especially those in Clifton, Karachi, some sections of Islamabad & the whole of Peshawar) was that Lollywood heroines came in two sizes, chunky and extra chunky, and spoke Urdu in two accent, Punjabi and extra spicy Punjabi.

But Khuda Ke Liya is a thinking person’s movie. One cannot watch it, and just move on. The depth of the movie comes at you a little at a time. This is a movie which you appreciate more the day after. It does not take long to begin to laud the efforts of Shoaib Mansoor, the writer, producer, & director of K2L. The music is mesmerizing.

I still have some disappointments. One of my disappointments was that Shoaib Mansoor COULD HAVE avoided using a very stereotypical approach in how he presented Islam & Muslims. As much as Fox News and CNN like to selectively state, whenever it suits their purposes, that Islam is divided between “Fundamentalist” and “Moderates”, it is not. Isam is divided between “Guided” and “Misguided”. Those who indiscriminately kill innocent people and unnecessarily cause mayhem and chaos, those who abrogate & suppress people’s (men’s and women’s) human rights and dignity, those who are intolerant, those who do not believe in standing up for justice & equality, those who are not honest…. are not Muslims (period, regardless of what these people may think they are). This does not mean that Muslims are not suffering from oppression and injustice. From Chechnya to Iraq, to Palestine, to Afghanistan, to Kashmir, to Northwest China, to Philippines, to South Thailand we can see how the Muslims have been singled out and abused. Does anyone know that Philippines (the whole of Philippines) used to be 92% Muslim once upon a time ? Nonetheless, there is a right path that leads towards freedom and settlement of issues, and there a wrong path. Cry for freedom is a human right, resisting occupation and seeking dignity can also be understood and accepted, as long as that does not become the reason for the “misguided” to become inhuman. What some misguided self proclaimed Muslims, under the pretext of their self determination, have done in Bamiyan, Afghanistan and in Kashmir (to the local Pundits) is as wrong and as evil as what the Zionist have done to the Palestinians. While our heart suffers the pain of the guided ones, we cannot harbor any sympathy for the misguided one. Hence, I wish Shoaib Mansoor would have shown the real division in Islam rather than repeat what Fox News and CNN says on this issue. I wish he had shown that some of the so called “Fundamentalist” are merely freedom fighters, while some of the so called “Moderates” are merely opportunist who believe in diluting Islam incrementally, a little at a time.

But who are the Muslims trying to free themselves from ? This in a nutshell is the million dollar questions. The struggle for freedom is not just against colonial occupiers and their stooges (without naming names, let us say that Saddam Hussein once was such a stooge) but also from half baked Mullahs and Imams. Islam has been hijacked (because most Muslims, even Arabs, read the Quran but do not understand it, because Muslim rather listen to some feel good bull shit from an Imam than what the Quran or the Authenticated Hadith tells them, because …) by political tin horn scoundrels pretending to be religious leaders. Some of these religious leaders of Islam are no less of stooges than the political leaders. There is a theory that Osama Bin Laden too is just a puppet of the colonial powers. Hence, at the end of the day you will see that this struggle for freedom is as much against Colonial occupiers (and their stooges) as against fake, phoney, & fraud Mullahs. Have no doubt, above 90% of the Mullahs and Imams today have a political iron in the fire, or are comprised by their economical conditions. Salvation for Muslims will come via reading & UNDERSTANDING the Quran for themselves, rather than depending upon compromised and ignorant Mullahs. I truly believe that a person who understand the Quran will not be misguided and will not hurt anyone.

Hence I am so disappointed that Shoaib Mansoor could have shown the truth about the state of the Muslims today, but was content to be a mouth piece for one of the planks of Fox News and CNN. In all fairness to Shoaib, some of the touches he brings to this movie could not have been ever shown by someone who has not walked the walk. I really liked how he ended the movie, the two “Azaan” signifies that there are multiple voices within Islam and while some are louder and being heard, others are lesser heard, but definitely do exist.

Let us now wait for SRK / K Jo’s “Khan”

A depressed Lil C, holding back his resignation, said, “Why don’t you, like Ash, just please call Salman”

The unsatisfied girl in the photo took Lil C’s advice and called Salman. Now we are not privy to what happened in that meeting behind closed doors, but she came out with a smile on her face and in clothes not as neatly pressed as they were when she walked into the room. Perhaps you would also like to know that she had a spring in her steps, and was humming, “Zara Zara Touch me Touch me, Zara Zara Kiss Me Kiss Me….”

So while a satisfied girl, fantasizing future contacts with Salman, was jiggying to “Zara Zara Touch Me”. A Nikamma Lil C was drinking Doodh to make up for his health deficiencies. Apparently Big B told Lil C in his typical Doodhwallah lingo, “Mallaaee Chukne Ke Liye Doodh Peena Zarooree Hai”

At my grade school I still hold the records in sports, in studies and yes in punishment. Had it not been for the fact that I was a very good student, and very good at sports, I would have been thrown out of the school. Yes, I was a mischievous kid (responsible, and capable, but slightly mischievous). Walking out of Jodha Akbar (“JA”), I saw all the punishment I had suffered at school flash in front of my eyes (that was the effect of JA on me). Sitting through JA is worse than any punishment, apart from that being an insult to one’s intelligence. The problem is not just that JA is very long, yes, the length of Jodha Akbar is a problem, that being said let us recognize that there are many movies that are long and simultaneously wonderful. The problem with JA is that it is at least three movies at conflict with each other. Sadly the parts do not work like the diverse components of an orchestra to produce sweet music, instead they work against each other for attention and therefore prevent the audience to get completely vested.

Alejandro González Iñárritu has made a couple of movies with diverse sub plots where the movie is greater than the sum of its parts (e.g. Amores Perros). Closer to Bollywood, Anurag Basu also has used such a narrative format in Life in a Metro (lesser quality and technique than Alejandro’s works but definitely good). The rich content of Jodha Akbar that aSHITtos GAWAARikar (“AG”) wanted to regale us with demanded an Alejandro like treatment, hence the first & foremost structural mistake that AG made was that he used a narrative format that does not suit the richness of Jodha Akbar. Regardless of anything, on account of the narrative structure, the outcome was doomed to be dull & boring.

Having committed himself to a boring narrative style (this is not a statement against linear story telling) for his rich content, AG should have at the very least made the i) Political Intrigue, and the ii) Domestic Household Squabbles, subservient to the romance between Jodha and Akbar. That would have provided a central arc which the audience could have got themselves vested to. Unfortunately, AG gives all the sub plots equal attention and thereby compounds the error in the Jodha Akbar’s narration. It is therefore not at all surprising that JA is not finding any traction with the audience.

Without doubt the romance plot works the best, but this is just relatively speaking. The fact is that the various plots are handled so poorly that in comparison the romance plot seems good, feels almost like a relief. Nonetheless, when taken on its absolute strength, the romance plot too is very mundane. Take for example, the scene when Akbar asks Jodha if she loves him. In that scene AG raises some drama & expectation. We are led to believe that some out of body type experience is about to be witnessed and just when we have our hopes high, the sun rises and what follows is so disappointing that all efforts leading to this point seems like a waste. Now compare this with the visual pay off in 1969’s Mackenna’s Gold. There too the director, at the start of a scene, winks and nods that something exciting is about to happen, then when the sun rises, what we see is such a visual treat that it has become part of movie legend. In a nutshell this scene from JA sums up the problem, JA does not fulfill the expectation one had of it.

People say the darnest things. Woody Allen illustrates this via a joke about two ladies who go to a restaurant, one says that the food is awful, and the other responds, “Yes, and the quantity is small too”. Well the point is that if the food is awful then quantity being less should be a good thing. Vice versa when something is good then the quantity being more is equally a good thing. Hence I cannot understand how those that claim JA to be a masterpiece, also complain that it is too long, or that some portions are outright ridiculous. I do understand that something is rotten in the State of Demark Bollywood these days. Ever since CDI and OSO, evey Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be SRK like. No one wants to be just good, everyone wants to be excellent. Hence I ask, if AG’s JA is a masterpiece, then how come the war portion and political intrigue portion of JA falls short even by Sanjay Gupta’s (master of monkey see monkey do style of movie making) standards? Can someone please tell me how JA can be a masterpiece when the domestic squabbles portion could have been done better by Ekta Kapoor ? Please tell me how JA can be a masterpiece when the romance portion is not even half as good as K Jo’s or Yash Chopra’s romance movies ? How can JA be a masterpiece when the research on this subject could have been done way better by Dr Chandra Prakash Dwivedi. The fact is that JA could have been something, should have been something, but in essence has ended up being a missed opportunity. The person who should be blamed for JA’s debacle is AG. Consider the scene in JA where Akbar goes to a market place to gauge the mood of the people. The scene starts with a wise Akbar instructing his advisors how they should behave and ends up proving Akbar to be a buffoon. Or consider the scene where Akbar is his Royal Court gets up and dances. Or the scene where Akbar pleads for more room to make his own decision. After watching JA one concludes that with friends like AG, Mohammad Jallaludin Akbar does not need enemies. AG’s Akbar is insecure and weak and led by his nose by Jodha and his advisors. JA, the movie, is an insult to the memory of Akbar The Great.

Hritikh Roshan’s star power has allowed JA a decent opening week but from next week onward the content of the movie will kill any BO prospects (perhaps the controversy surrounding JA will save the day). JA proves that HR is a bigger star than Ranbir Kapoor but not as big as SRK or Akshay Kumar. AG should thank his lucky star that HR bailed him out, just imagine what would have happened if JA had Lil C instead (Umrao Jaan anybody?).

Ashwariya in contrast to HR goes a better job. AG it seems has been kind to her in JA. There is rumor going around that while in Jaipur, Ashwariya missed her husband a lot, and hence out of sheer kindness, AG inserted an item song, “Kwaja Mere Kwaja” with a Lil C look alike (with beard and all). Anyway regardless of whether the rumor is correct or not, Aswariya looks at ease in her role.

Let Aech laugh now, che is jus a phool. I laugh when poo-leach coming and pukring Aech. You chi the whole thing is that ke Bhaiya, chince school in Aech name, then crime alcho in Aech name.