Bachchanistas, brace for pain, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na rocks.

Ladies & Gentlemen, my friends, fellow bloggers, there is no easy way to say this, hence allow me to cut to the chase. Bachchanistas, please carefully bend over, grab your ankles and brace for pain. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na rocks. Let me put this in another way. Mansoor Khan has not reemerged from his retirement (much like Aditya Chopra has with RNBDJ) to embarrass himself. JTYJN has the benefit of his touch. Seeing this movie you will wish that Mansoor retires from his retirement and comes back permanently to Bollywood. I would love to see him make a movie for RC/YRF with SRK & Amir Khan (the two lions of Bollywood).

No matter what one can say about Amir Khan (mental etc), he is one of India’s best film makers.  There is no one who understands commercial cinema far better than  Amir Khan ( Adi & K Jo are slightly ahead). As a film maker Amir Khan has associated with substance and quality. If SRK is the best star actor that Bollywood has seen then Amir Khan (alhough not as great an actor as SRK) is definitely one of the better film makers that Bollywood has seen. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Ya will once again prove Amir Khan’s acumen as a film maker.

People have asked me how do I compare Love Story 2050 (a well made action packed movie) with JTYJN (a romantic love story in the mold of classic Yash Chopra movies)  and my answer is that we will be re visiting Love Story Vs. Rocky. In the long run both Herman and Imran will do very well, but in the short run the movie with love, romance and emotions will rock the BO. JTYJN is today’s Dil Chata Hai, it will perhaps become the new DDLJ. It is a class act.

The music of JTYJN is out and it is superb. While most A.R.Rehman music eventually finds acceptance without fail, JTYJN has found instant acceptance. I think this record will be the record to beat this year.I don’t listen to music much but this CD is good, …. very, very, good.

So we come back to the Bachchanistas. With, Emraan Hasmi, Ranbir Kapoor & Shahid Kapoor doing well. With Sikander Kher & Herman Baweja expected to do well. A handsome and talented Imran Khan comes at a time when Lil C cannot afford any more competition in his segment of the market. Given Lil C’s pathetic BO record, given the emerging talent that I have listed already in this paragraph, a “Gora Chita” Imran Khan is the last nail in Lil C’s coffin. Unfortunately there is nothing that the Bachchanistas can do (they are not that capable to begin with). Imran Khan and JTYJN are unstoppable, Jim Carrey would say, “Sssmoking”. Hence, Bachchanistas please bend over, grab your ankles and brace for the pain,  Imran Khan is in DA HOUSE.

Big B caught red handed in a lie, pees in his pants

While it is true that IPL is sucking most of the oxygen out of the market right now, the TRP rating fiasco has nothing to do with that.  Big B simply lied.

Just to clarify. TRP is not an absolute measure like for example one inch or one cm is. It is therefore not universal nor portable. The measure is limited to the boundaries of its market and to the time period for which the calculation has been performed. In short,  TRP ratings is a complicated dynamic calculation. It is valid ONLY for the market for which it was been calculated for. Also it is valid ONLY for the time period for which it has been calculated for. Overtime as the number of channels within a market changes and as the overall TV viewership changes, so does the implication of these ratings. Hence a score of 1 today is not the same as a score of 1 yesterday. Therefore we cannot use ratings from 3 years ago to compare ratings with shows running today.

Even after knowing the above, Big B wrongfully used TRP ratings to lie and to make it appear that his KBC had more viewership. Just so that you understand this, let me repeat, SRK’s KBC had more viewers than Big B’s KBC yet had a lower TRP (because over 3 + years all the factors had changed).

When Big B was caught, he responded by peeing in his pants See below.

Before & After

Using cutting edge software we have extrapolated how Lil C and Ash will look a few years from now

Notice hair, notice smile

Notice disappearing hair, notice absence of smile

Needless to say, Lil C remains as ugly as ever

You know that you are a Bachchanista if …..

• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you argue that Big B’s Bhootnath is a hit and Emraan Hashmi’s Jannat is a flop.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B was better than Ayesha Kapoor or Rani in SLB’s Black.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you feel hurt when someone calls Big B/Lil C a Bachchalan
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hate SRK’s Devdas because Big B was considered not good enough to do a full blown Devdas and had to settle for Devdas lite (aka Muqaddar’s Sikander).
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Mani Ratnam’s Guru deserved any award in 2007.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not think that Big B copies Dilip Kumar.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hate Imran Khan because he might threaten Lil C’s longevity in Bollywood.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not like talking about Big B’s attempt at Politics or Bofor’s Scandal.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you hated Aditya Chopra’s Mohabbatein because SRK kicked Big B ‘s arse in that movie.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Lil C is very talented and handsome.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think that Farhan’s Akhtar’s Don (groseed INR 500 Mil + domestically), is a flop because it was hipper, cooler, and far superior than Big B’s Don
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B was not over the top in SLB’s Black.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you do not like talking about Big B’s relationships with Parveen Babi and Rekha.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you think Big B deserved a national award for SLB’s Black or worse that he deserved a national award for K. A. Abbass’s Saat Hindustani
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you argue that Big B is still relevant at the Box Office in India.
• You know that you are a Bachchanista if you discount every movie and every star except a Bachchalan movie and a Bachchalan