Looking forward to KBC 4 with Don "Jungli Billa" Khan

Various versions of the show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” have been successful in 30+ countries, without the help of Mr. Bachchalan or his ever eroding legacy. The format is so fool proof that it reminds me of a Korean dish called Bulgogi, a dish whose secret lies in its marination and the prep work done before its cooking. A dish that no matter who cooks, it tastes wonderful. KBC season 1 would have been successful even with “Kaalia” from Sholay as the host. Nonetheless after the initial novelty wore off, so did the ratings. KBC season 2 with Big B was an unmitigated disaster. Hence the coward, not so big, limp wristed Big B jumped ship. The bold Lion SRK took a big gamble to take on a show which was bleeding to death. Especially a show which would bring out the daggers once again from the pro Big B camp. KBC 3 was a case of “you do and you are damned and you don’t do and you are damned”, yet the courageous King Khan picked up the gauntlet.

Big B did not hold the guest’s hands or looked into their eyes and whispered sweet nothings. Big B did not romance the guest, or hugged their parents or give away watches and cars. Big B did not dance or indulge the audience. The show was never fun when the not so big, Big B, was hosting it. With SRK it is hip and fun and hence it is no wonder that the young crowds (along with the regulars) are hooked. With SRK it is a game show that is entertaining also, but with Big B it was dull and monotonous. The gamble of Star + has paid off, they have now, thanks to our very own Don “Jungli Billa” Khan, the attention of the young and the restless. From an advertisement revenue perspective, it is doing way better than even Season 1. The show as a product is making more money than it ever did. The not so big, Big B could never command such revenues or ever dream of making such revenues.

Full credit to SRK for being able to stop the rot that had set in with Big B in Season 2. Reasonable expectation was that KBC would whither on the vine. SRK rose to the challenge, turned around KBC 3 and made it a winning proposition. For his courage to stand up and take the challenge and his ability to make KBC a winner once again, I commend SRK. I see genius in this accomplishment. This is the reason why all the better advertisers are switching to SRK. This is the reason why people aspiring to be the next Chopras and the Johars have SRK on the top of their goto list. This is the reason why there is a bidding war for OSO.

The mehfil with Salman & Co, i.e. the season finale, was a celebration of a hard earned success. It was icing on the cake we know as KBC 3.

The orphan song that was not invited to the wedding

By now, thanks to the Bachchalan’s media consultants, we all know almost everything about Ms. Ash / Lil C wedding. Everyone knows who was invited, and who was not invited. We know who was seen and who was not seen. But, I bet you my dear friends that no one knows anything about that one poor little orphan song that was not invited. Yes my friends, one song was singled out, and not invited. Hence ladies and gentlemen without further delay, I give you the poor little orphan song, a song that was not heard at the Ash’s Sangeet ceremony, because it was not invited.

Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Barely even friends

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly

Just a little change

Small to say the least

Both a little scared

Neither one prepared

Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same

Ever a surprise

Ever as before

Ever just as sure

As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time

Tune as old as song

Bittersweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun

Rising in the east

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

I now leave it you to decipher why this poor little orphan song was not invited to the wedding.

Was Sholay based in Bihar ?

Sholay was a great movie but I have some questions. One of the things that I would really like to know about Sholay is where is it based. Is it based in U.P. ? or is it Bihar ? Thanks to some of the language in the movie, a lot of people say UP, but I don’t buy the general view that Sholay was based in UP. Allow me the indulgence, let me explain why. Take for example the song, “Yeh Dosti Abh Nahin Todege”. Before I go further let me provide some background. I personally hesitate a lot even before committing to spend a week-end with a new woman friend. I tell her via smoke signals (and other non verbal creative communications) that perhaps a few more dates, a few more breakfasts, would be better. I see a week-end as a major commitment. Later on moving from a week-end to a longer vacation is akin to pulling a tooth. Hence when I see in Sholay, two guys who say to each other that they will end their lives but not part company, I wonder, … you know what I wonder,… I wonder if they are from Bihar ? In fact, I cannot believe that other people even after acknowledging the existence of “Yeh Dosti” song do not likewise suspect that the guys must be from Bihar, but then, I am a red blooded, coffee drinking American, who likes to end a typical day by biting into some sautéed chicken breast. For me any stranger by default is possibly a tea drinking (with the pinky finger up) Englishman who likes to end a typical day by sucking onto a lamb shank.

My suspicion on Sholay further takes root when I realize that these two “Yeh Dosti” singing men recently spend some quality time together in a prison. There is no doubt in my mind that a lot of nefarious activities are taking place in prison simply because of the issue of segregation of gender. I for one cannot think how normal men can survive without the company of normal women. Fortunately I never had to worry about this issue. But carrying on with our discussion, I have to confess that for me atleast two men just out of a prison who start dancing and singing “Yeh Dosti” to each other means only one thing. To me it means that they are from Bihar.

Now let me give you the piece de résistance, these men take turns and sit on each other. LOL, I am not making this up. These two gentlemen, just released from incarceration, sing and dance “Yeh Dosti” and then sit on each other LOL . Now I cannot believe that in the land which gave us Kamasutra and 1001 sex position, no one can connect the dots and conclude that this is all based in Bihar. I cannot for the life of me understand why people think that Sholay is based in UP.

Let me also remind you that there is this one character in Sholay who dresses up like one of the guys who escaped from the “Village People”, a character who should be singing “Y.M.C.A….” but instead he creeps up behind a guy called Thakur (another clue, Bachchalans are from UP and Thakurs are from Bihar) and says in a very lustful voice, “Thakur, give me your hand”.

Hence I say, no matter how you cut it, Sholay was based in Bihar. It cannot be UP.

Guru a disservice to the cause of capitalism

Any street smart person knows that the three card trick or its various versions (including the ones with three caps and a tiny ball) hinges on a trick that is not the one that Mani states in Guru. The fake victory that Mani gives his lead character, very early in the movie, in order to establish the character’s acumen, just leaves a lingering bad taste which the movie never overcomes.

The problem with Guru is similar to the problem one has in watching Rock Hudson make pillow talk to Doris Day. It is very obvious that Rock Hudson is more into the spot boy than into Doris Day. Likewise it is clear that Mani Ratnam is more into communism / socialism than into Capitalism. I so wish that this movie had been made by some true Ayn Rand devotee, a non apologetic believer in capitalism.

Even otherwise, Mani Ratnam in Guru is somewhat confused. I don’t think he is sure whether he wants to make a biopic, or a commentary on today’s India. A commercial masala or a hard hitting realism based saga. The result is that we see farmers in Gujarat wearing woven rattan hats that belong to a different region of India. An Item number in Hindi/Urdu in Istanbul at the height of Attaturk revolution. Unnecessary songs, unexplained relationships, and characters that suddenly disappear when their purpose has been served. Perhaps these flaws are quite common in a David Dhawan movie, but was not Mani supposed to be a genius?

I have never been more under whelmed than by Lil C (Big B’s son) in Guru. The problem is that in almost every scene someone else steals the scene. How bad do you have to be when even a no name actor (playing the trader in the market) outperforms you? How bad do you have to be when another no name that plays the father outshines you in a scene that was meant to showcase your talents? I guess, before long, Mani finally figured out that Lil C was no actor, and in order to allow him to rise and shine, he got Maddy to sacrifice and sit down. Interestingly enough just as HR in Dhoom II exposed the fact that Lil C does not have an iota of physical attractiveness, Maddy in his intro scene in Guru exposes the fact that Lil C has no charm or grace either. There is no doubt in my mind that had Maddy been given more scope in Guru, he would have been fatally destructive to Lil C’s career. One has to see the scene where Lil C has a stroke to realize how lackluster Lil C’s acting is.

The “genius” Mani ends the movie with another fake victory for the lead character. If only a true believer had made the movie, the end would have inspired Desis to the cause of capitalism. Unfortunately Mani has done a disservice.