Certain intimate acts, even when consensual, are illegal in many states of The USA. Since presently the great nation of America is in a pre-emptive strike mode, former Bollywood icon, Big B was made to appear before a Judge in a High Court in Texas. The Judge made Big B aware that the general consensus is that Johnny Depp was going to blow him away (acting wise) in the upcoming movie, Shantaram. In fact, the Judge added, that it might even appear as if Johnny Depp was having “Prison Sex” with him. Big B was warned that he will be held responsible if he passively submitted (as expected) to Johnny Depp without a fight. It was made abundantly clear that Big B being the consignee and not the consignor will not be accepted as a valid defense. “Shakti” and “Mohabbatein” were cited amongst a long list of movies as evidence of Big B’s propensity to fold under competition. As a guideline the Judge stated that even if Johnny Depp did in Shantaram, what DK and SRK did to him in Shakti and Mohabbatein, he will be booked. Ofcouse if Big B appeared like a stationary eye of a needle being threaded by Johnny Depp, he would be charged to the maximum.
This reporter was told that the rise of lewd acts in the state of Texas as a result of what Hrithik Roshan did to Lil C in “Dhoom II” was one of the reason why Texas State Official had to take the drastic step of calling Big B to the court. On that grim occasion yours truly, Raju Reporter, caught up with the aging icon.
Raju Reporter:
Sir, every day you seem to hit a new low. Why are you so eager to destroy your legacy?
Big B:
I am the Shah-en-Shah of Bollywood. While I have the PR machinery of Amar Singh, the Sangh Parivar, Adlabs and Anil Dhirubhai Ambani, no one can touch me. One solid hit and Ek Ajnabee and Ek-love-ya will be forgotten, you will be singing a different tune.
Raju Reporter:
Do you have any special projects in the pipe line that will make that happen ?
Big B:
Yes as a matter of fact I do. We have acquired the rights to make the Indian version of the hit Hollywood show, “Ugly Betty”. Ofcouse we will makes a few changes. The central character will be a guy, to be played by my son, Lil C, instead of a girl. We will call the show “Ugly Beta”. I think we have a sure fire hit on our hands. Moreover just think now much savings we will have using Lil C, just the savings in make-up justifies the project. I am sure after “Ugly Beta” things will turn around.
Raju Reporter:
As an old fan of yours I wish you good luck.
Big B:
As if I, the Shah-en-Shah of India need your good wishes, hello, did you forget I have Amar Singh?
